A Villain's Treat

Da Everything Bagel welcomes the Bronx's resident, 'Über Villain' at large as our first guest contributer. You may want to give this recipe a try if you know what's good for you.

Villains have to eat too. Indeed we do. After watching the villonius (yes, like Thelonius) acts of one mister Orson Wells in the film, ‘The Third Man’, my stomach rumbled, having an immediate affect on my über nature. The impulse for something fried and battered was great. Eureka! Onion rings would be the result of my mental culinary conjure. Quite the suitable wee hour treat for I. I offer a makeshift recipe for even the likes of pedestrians on this highway po’ super. Once organized and revised I will return with a more systematic approach and possible reasoning for such a creation. As for now, I present to you, a short-list of ingredients. You living, breathing marionettes.

1 large onion (peeled, then sliced into 1/3 inch or 1/4 inch rings)...
½ cup of whole milk
3/4 cup of flour
pinch of salt ( This villain is easy on the salt.)
2 tablespoons of garlic powder
½ tablespoon of freshly ground black pepper
½ teaspoon of mustard powder

1 1/2 cups of canola oil

Pour canola oil in deep fry pan. Turn the heat up!

In a bowl pour milk.
In another bowel mix dry ingredients.
Rinse onions in cold water.
Dip onions in milk. Then dry mix. Milk again, dry again.
Drop onions in pan.
Cook, flip, take out when golden brown.
Toss’em some place to drain. A rack of some sort, or perhaps atop a stack of paper towels.
Eat while they’re hot with your favorite condiments.

Next recipe...

Onion ring dipping sauce that involves, spicy brown mustard, horseradish, garlic and few other tasty bits...

-The Bronx Über Villain

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Nasty Fish Mix Recipe

Times are rough. The cost of living is high in New York. Tuna is expensive and er uh let's just say, necessity is definitely the mother of invention as she is the woman that granted me the idea for the following recipe.

1 can chunk light tuna in water
1 can of sardines in mustard sauce (take that friggin bone out the middle, ick!)
1/2 diced red or yellow onion
1/2 chopped tomato
1 tablespoon of minced garlic
2 leaves of green or red leaf lettuce chopped
2 tablespoons of mayonnaise (or mayo substitute)
1/8 teaspoon of red pepper

Chunk light tuna is usually a no-no. But at nearly 2 bucks a can for solid white albacore we'll have to pass on it today. Sardines? Yeah, well normally we'd go with 2 cans of tuna but seeing as in the fact that we're cutting back due to low-fundage for this particular recipe we'll go with those little guys. Sardines also add to the total 'nasty' of this dish. Okay, so why get sardines in mustard sauce? Normally, I would add a lil bit of spicy brown deli mustard. Now I don't have to. Nothing more to do now but mix up all of the above ingredients. I suggest you go with a nice wheat bread or even a flour less bread like Ezekiel (I like their sesame bread)to spread your mix on. A toasted sesame Italian loaf, and this nasty concoction topped with a mild swiss or muenster is another option.

P.S. I forgot one more optional ingredient. Carrot. Yep, a couple of years ago I had a great tuna salad that contained some shredded carrot. So if you'd like to add some carrot to your mixture I'd say finely shred about 1/2 of a nice sized healthy one and toss it on in.

El-P Cooks Bagels & Lox for Dinner with the Band